Tina: i feel better, thanks for talking, i guess sometimes like you said, communication is necessary
Me: im glad you feel better, and if anything bothers you ever, tell me
i will do my best to respect you and your needs
Tina: ye ma'am
Me: afterall i love you and cherish you
Tina:thank you, same to you darlin
Me: and wish to do as little harm as possible
Tina: you are a rock in my life, a diamond to say the least, and it means alot to me that we haven't let certain things come between us, as hard as it is sometimes, i do love you and want the best for you even if that is Matt, and I hope in time, if that is what it comes to, that I can accept it bcos I don't ever want emotions to get the better of it all
Me: thank you tina, that takes a very very VERY strong person, with a good heart,to be able to do and try to do something like that, and i hate that it has to be awkward and that it even is happening sometimes because i dont want to cause hurt to you
Tina: i think we have attracted each other in each our lives for a reason, and juvenile things are just juvenile, and emotions are just emotions, and hurt is hurt and maturity is maturity...things are messy and sticky and gooey, but what is anything if there isn't the good and the bad
Me: we have to have the bad to enjoy and not take for granted the good, our friendship has made it through a shit ton, i think and hope it can and will make it through any other trials and tribulations
Tina:yes it has, people think I am crazy for putting up with it, but most don't understand bcos they aren't in it, I am a fighter, I always have been, and these are the type of things that make me grow as a person, no one ever said it would be easy, this life here
Me: we are all crazy, we are all mad
Tina:touche
Me: i understand why people do not understand, it is hard until you are in the actual shoes, but your love has been proven to me, i know you truly care for me because of the way you have responded, and i hope you know how much i really love you
Tina: sometimes it makes me wanna cry bcos it really does hurt, but what's it worth crying over spilt beer? there are things that are more important to me than holding grudges and letting bitter feelings take over, and that is the underlying point of it all, somethings just aren't worth the tears and aren't worth the emotions, i can say that about alot of things, so it's not just you, it's just my carefree mentality on accepting losses
Me: well it is okay to cry and let it out, we all hurt one another, i have been seeing people post this quote on FB the past couple days, it says something like we hurt the ones that are closest to us
Tina: bcos like i said, what's it all worth, each day brings new things, new opportunities, and the past is in the past and all that is here is the present and the idea of the future..yes, that quote is a good one
Me: and it is true, and i wonder why, and its because we are closest to the ones we love
Tina: it's bcos the ones that are closest to us are the ones that are going to accept you for you, mistakes and all
Me: and we let them affect us, because they are a huge part of us
Tina: if people aren't willing to accept the whole of you, the hurt & the pain, then truly they aren't good for you
Me: it saddens me that i cause hurt to you though, and that you have to experience those intense feelings sometimes
Tina: well, it is a sad thing, but it's selfish tendencies, we are all selfish to a certain degree
Me: because i know those sudden intense moments, i know them well
Tina: that is something that i have learned throughout my life..i am someone who sometimes needs to be more selfish in times, but it's hard for me to be selfish..i am more selfless in that sense, always putting other's feelings and emotions before my own, thinking of what is right and what is wrong..there is a pshycological theory..altruism, I am sure you have read about it, studied it at times, but in biological determinism, altruistic tendencies is what life is about...sure, you associate yourself with your circle and those like you, but for you to really get ahead and succeed, we all must be selfish
Me: well its all about the balance
Tina: getting ahead and succeeding is based off of your own perception, you can apply it to alot of different degrees in life
Me: we are living this life for ourselves, therefore we must be selfish
Tina: you are born alone and die alone, everyone else is just an asset
Me: to be able to have and do what we want...exactly
Tina: and there are those who are going to love you no matter what, and there are those who are going to hurt you no matter what, and it all depends on the connection..is it worth it?...and in our case, it's worth it to me, the hurt and pain that is caused, is something that will hopefully be less then a memory in days to come
Me: well with all friendships, all relationships, family, friends, lovers, there is hurt, and there is pain, but what outweighs those in the end is all the good, so at some point i think we may look back at this and laugh, and we will be stronger in the end because of it, because when you are able to work through things with a person, that connection is only building, we are only becoming stronger, we will be able to face many more things
Tina: very true, it only makes us stronger
Me: we have had many ups and downs, but when i look back, i see all the laughs and smiles and love, because at the end thats what there is, the bad fades away, thanks for putting up with my bad side
Tina: bad isn't the right word, but whatever it is, that is what friends are for
