Saturday, January 15, 2011

trust issues can suck it.

i've got trust issues due to an old relationship.
it's really hard to be able to put that behind you and completely trust someone again.
i always promised myself that i wouldn't let my own insecurities and problems with previous relationships come into new ones, but i am realizing how hard that can be when you know that someone can lie to you so easily because it's been done before.
so many walls were built.
walls that i didn't even know about.
i protect myself so much now, and sometimes it's hard to just let go because i know now how easily things can be changed.
i don't always believe what i hear, i tell myself to wait until it actually happens because so many words have been said to me before that came crashing down upon me and were completely crushed and proven as untruthful.
i have to realize though that at the time those words were true.
i just really don't want to be hurt like that again. ever.
you can't avoid pain though.
without heartbreak, we wouldn't know love.
i have something beautiful now.
someone so wonderful, and i can't fuck that up because of my past issues.
so here's to letting the past be the past while accepting it and instead living in the present moment.
to allow myself to fully trust someone until there is a valid reason to not have trust.
this will be hard, but i have to do my best.
because i love this person and don't want to see them go.