" love is so confusing: there's no peace of mind."
"love hurts. love stinks. love bites, love bleeds, love is the drug. the troubadours of our times all agree: they want to know what love is, and they want you to show them. but the answer is simple. love is a mix tape."
"its not human to let go of love, even when its dead."
"you tell yourself, ill get to the end of this. but theres no finish line, just more doors to pass through, more goodbyes to say."
"whatever i learn from this grief, none of it will take me any closer to what i want, which is renee, who is gone forever. none of my tears will bring her closer to me... the loss doesnt go away-it just gets bigger the longer you look at it."
" i lose, you lose, we lose; i have lost, you have lost, we have lost."
"after renee died, i assumed the rest of my life would be just a consolation prize. i would keep living, and keep having new experiences, but none of them would compare to the old days. i would have to settle for a lonely life i didnt want, which would always remind me of the life i couldnt have anymore. but it didnt turn out that way, and theres something strange and upsetting about that. i would have stayed in 1996 if i could have, but it wasnt my choice, so now i have to move either forward or back- its up to me. not changing isnt an option. and even though ive changed in so many ways- im a different person with a different life- the past is still with me every minute."
" nothing wrong with a lonely place as long as its private. thats why i never married. marriage is lonely, but it aint private."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
what i keep hearing
"youre going to be okay, i promise.
you will find someone better and be happy."
only problem with that is,
i dont care to find someone else.
id rather be alone than replace you.
you will find someone better and be happy."
only problem with that is,
i dont care to find someone else.
id rather be alone than replace you.
broken
the hardest thing ive ever done in my life is say goodbye to you.
i am forever broken.
goodbye everett prentis turner. i will forever love you and hold you in my heart.
i am forever broken.
goodbye everett prentis turner. i will forever love you and hold you in my heart.
Monday, December 28, 2009
hopeless
meaning is sometimes hard to spot
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in this suffocated mid-west
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
but beauty comes to those who have been waiting
for something that is bigger than themselves
but this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize that they’ve been lied to
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if the vision’s gone then I was not aware
consistency like that which I have craved
is that people change so unexpectedly
and realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrived
so with this in mind I don't plan on waiting
if it’s time to leave and break these old ties
without something more the vision is fading
but until it’s gone the pain will make us try
it’ll make us try
but this is the hope I’ve been searching for
as the wings catch the sunlight of the cold Nebraska skyline
and this is the dream I am dying in
as I wait to find tomorrow be content without perfection
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if the vision’s gone then I was not aware
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in this suffocated mid-west
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
but beauty comes to those who have been waiting
for something that is bigger than themselves
but this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize that they’ve been lied to
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if the vision’s gone then I was not aware
consistency like that which I have craved
is that people change so unexpectedly
and realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrived
so with this in mind I don't plan on waiting
if it’s time to leave and break these old ties
without something more the vision is fading
but until it’s gone the pain will make us try
it’ll make us try
but this is the hope I’ve been searching for
as the wings catch the sunlight of the cold Nebraska skyline
and this is the dream I am dying in
as I wait to find tomorrow be content without perfection
but if this is real then I was mistaken
and if the vision’s gone then I was not aware
Sunday, December 27, 2009
cancer ascendant/rising sign
explains me perfectly:
Much of your feeling experience occurs on the soul level. If you see auras, you may see all the way to the soul level of the person. This can be both informative and frightening, as you may not wish to relate that closely with everyone. If you don't actually see auras, you certainly feel the energy of other people and need to have inner clarity so that you can interpret those signals correctly. Therefore it is important for you to have a spiritual practice that is designed to cultivate clarity of mind.
You appear gentle and soft, and you act rather reserved with others until you know them well and feel it is safe to be open with them. You have a strong need for emotional security and a sense of belonging, and are deeply attached to the past: your heritage, roots, family, cherished friends, familiar places, etc. Making radical changes or moves away from what is known and safe can be very painful and difficult for you. You tend to cling and hold on to people, memories, possessions of personal or sentimental significance. Having a home, a safe haven, is very important to you.
Your moods fluctuate and change frequently and you are sometimes open, sometimes withdrawn emotionally. You communicate nonverbally and appreciate a person who can pick up subtle cues and hints, rather than having to make everything explicit.
Much of your feeling experience occurs on the soul level. If you see auras, you may see all the way to the soul level of the person. This can be both informative and frightening, as you may not wish to relate that closely with everyone. If you don't actually see auras, you certainly feel the energy of other people and need to have inner clarity so that you can interpret those signals correctly. Therefore it is important for you to have a spiritual practice that is designed to cultivate clarity of mind.
You appear gentle and soft, and you act rather reserved with others until you know them well and feel it is safe to be open with them. You have a strong need for emotional security and a sense of belonging, and are deeply attached to the past: your heritage, roots, family, cherished friends, familiar places, etc. Making radical changes or moves away from what is known and safe can be very painful and difficult for you. You tend to cling and hold on to people, memories, possessions of personal or sentimental significance. Having a home, a safe haven, is very important to you.
Your moods fluctuate and change frequently and you are sometimes open, sometimes withdrawn emotionally. You communicate nonverbally and appreciate a person who can pick up subtle cues and hints, rather than having to make everything explicit.
conversation between tina and i
M: fuck fuck fuck.
T: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it all.
T: nothing matters.
M: nothing does matter. so why do we exist.
T: we exist due to perception but all we really are is cells and biology.
we exist to survive and pass on our genes yet evolution fucked up and gave us emotions and critical thought.
M: we are a fuck up. something that never should have been created.
T: which has created society and war..internal physical emotional and literal war.
M: fuck our existance. i want to live in lalaland for the rest of my life because none of it matters, like finding a career and working all the time. its bullshit.
T: lets just live in a yellow submarine and create our own nonsense and sense of reality.
T: because the only awesome gift we have is our imaginations.
M: thats what mr. magorium teaches you.
T: we are the exception. we are the black sheep. we are the rebels that want to break away from the machine. we think outside of the box. but unfortunately to survive we have to follow society.
M: fuck society. its toyed with our minds. we cant even enjoy simple pleasures all the time because of the demands it puts on us.
T: society=the devil.
T: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck it all.
T: nothing matters.
M: nothing does matter. so why do we exist.
T: we exist due to perception but all we really are is cells and biology.
we exist to survive and pass on our genes yet evolution fucked up and gave us emotions and critical thought.
M: we are a fuck up. something that never should have been created.
T: which has created society and war..internal physical emotional and literal war.
M: fuck our existance. i want to live in lalaland for the rest of my life because none of it matters, like finding a career and working all the time. its bullshit.
T: lets just live in a yellow submarine and create our own nonsense and sense of reality.
T: because the only awesome gift we have is our imaginations.
M: thats what mr. magorium teaches you.
T: we are the exception. we are the black sheep. we are the rebels that want to break away from the machine. we think outside of the box. but unfortunately to survive we have to follow society.
M: fuck society. its toyed with our minds. we cant even enjoy simple pleasures all the time because of the demands it puts on us.
T: society=the devil.
fuck our existance
nothing matters.
i want to live in my lalaland.
because the rest of it is bullshit.
society has toyed with our minds.
i want to live in my lalaland.
because the rest of it is bullshit.
society has toyed with our minds.
if i were
If I were a month, I’d be December.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 3 am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Venus.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin
If I were a direction, I’d be North
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a couch.
If I were a liquid, I’d be water.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be Amethyst.
If I were a tree, I’d be a cherry blossom tree.
If I were a tool, I’d be a hammer.
If I were a flower, I’d be an orchid.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be rainy.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be the drums.
If I were a color, I’d be lavender.
If I were an emotion, I’d be content.
If I were a fruit, I’d be watermelon.
If I were a sound, I’d be the sound of rain.
If I were an element, I’d be mercury.
If I were a car, I’d be a volvo.
If I were a food, I’d be red curry.
If I were a place, I’d be a forest.
If I were a material, I’d be cotton.
If I were a taste, I’d be sweet.
If I were a scent, I’d be the smell of christmas.
If I were an object, I’d be a candle.
If I were a body part, I’d be tits.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a straight face .
If I were a song, I’d be an ambient song.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be flats.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 3 am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Venus.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin
If I were a direction, I’d be North
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a couch.
If I were a liquid, I’d be water.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be Amethyst.
If I were a tree, I’d be a cherry blossom tree.
If I were a tool, I’d be a hammer.
If I were a flower, I’d be an orchid.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be rainy.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be the drums.
If I were a color, I’d be lavender.
If I were an emotion, I’d be content.
If I were a fruit, I’d be watermelon.
If I were a sound, I’d be the sound of rain.
If I were an element, I’d be mercury.
If I were a car, I’d be a volvo.
If I were a food, I’d be red curry.
If I were a place, I’d be a forest.
If I were a material, I’d be cotton.
If I were a taste, I’d be sweet.
If I were a scent, I’d be the smell of christmas.
If I were an object, I’d be a candle.
If I were a body part, I’d be tits.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a straight face .
If I were a song, I’d be an ambient song.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be flats.
why does it happen?
we doubt the person we are with.
there comes a time where we wonder if we can be with them forever.
no matter who it is.
because we dont get along with any one person perfectly.
so who is the right person?
can we ever be satisfied?
i feel like we will never be satisfied with the person we are with.
because we doubt it.
and that crazy love fades.
and it never comes back until you are falling in love with someone else.
and then that fades.
its this continuing cycle.
its not a comforting thought, whatsoever.
there comes a time where we wonder if we can be with them forever.
no matter who it is.
because we dont get along with any one person perfectly.
so who is the right person?
can we ever be satisfied?
i feel like we will never be satisfied with the person we are with.
because we doubt it.
and that crazy love fades.
and it never comes back until you are falling in love with someone else.
and then that fades.
its this continuing cycle.
its not a comforting thought, whatsoever.
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
hahahah
lupin was angry with me.
i left him for 3 days and when i came home he ran away from me and hid.
but he is fine now and lovable again.
he is now high off catnip!
i put it in a sock for him and he is going craaaazaayyyy!
lupins high lupins high lupins high!
HAHA
i left him for 3 days and when i came home he ran away from me and hid.
but he is fine now and lovable again.
he is now high off catnip!
i put it in a sock for him and he is going craaaazaayyyy!
lupins high lupins high lupins high!
HAHA
yada yada yada
"Every girl has that one boy in her life, who could call her at three in the morning and say, “Let’s hang out. I’m coming to get you.” and she would put aside everything she was doing, her excitement, her anger or her momentary hate for him. And she would proceed to give him only four words, “give me ten minutes.”
we shouldn't have evolved this much
"Humans were not meant to evolve this much;"
our existence shouldn't have brought such drastic measures upon such simple things in life.
we are interesting creatures.
what makes us different from animals is the power of our mind.
however, sometimes i believe we are damaging to this world.
yes, we have brought beauty, but we have also brought horror.
we kill one another.
we judge one another.
we criticize one another.
we are selfish.
we bring chaos.
we do not understand one another.
we lie.
these things make me doubt the human existence.
children are pure and innocent.
what makes us as children become these power hungry, controlling, selfish people?
society, government, schools, parents, etc etc.
we become brainwashed.
we are told how to act, what to do, how to think.
we can break away from it, but we still have these preconceived opinions.
the world will never be a wonderful place as long as humans live.
however, in order to be happy, we have to wash away these thoughts.
we have to purely live in the moment and try to do good.
that can bring an individual happiness.
because as long as these horrible things stay on the mind,
we will drown ourselves and torment ourselves.
so try to clear the mind.
and just accept the beauty of nature.
walk outside.
look at the sky above.
breathe.
capture the beauty that surrounds us.
our existence shouldn't have brought such drastic measures upon such simple things in life.
we are interesting creatures.
what makes us different from animals is the power of our mind.
however, sometimes i believe we are damaging to this world.
yes, we have brought beauty, but we have also brought horror.
we kill one another.
we judge one another.
we criticize one another.
we are selfish.
we bring chaos.
we do not understand one another.
we lie.
these things make me doubt the human existence.
children are pure and innocent.
what makes us as children become these power hungry, controlling, selfish people?
society, government, schools, parents, etc etc.
we become brainwashed.
we are told how to act, what to do, how to think.
we can break away from it, but we still have these preconceived opinions.
the world will never be a wonderful place as long as humans live.
however, in order to be happy, we have to wash away these thoughts.
we have to purely live in the moment and try to do good.
that can bring an individual happiness.
because as long as these horrible things stay on the mind,
we will drown ourselves and torment ourselves.
so try to clear the mind.
and just accept the beauty of nature.
walk outside.
look at the sky above.
breathe.
capture the beauty that surrounds us.
Friday, December 25, 2009
never-ending bump and grind
hooooly fucking sha-mole!
i just did the bump and grind hike for the first time.
and ohhhh man!
that was some instense hike.
my heart was pounding out of my chest.
my legs felt like jello.
mind you, i rarely exercise so it was crazy.
i am proud i made it all the way to the top!
took a lot of mind power.
indeed indeed.
i just did the bump and grind hike for the first time.
and ohhhh man!
that was some instense hike.
my heart was pounding out of my chest.
my legs felt like jello.
mind you, i rarely exercise so it was crazy.
i am proud i made it all the way to the top!
took a lot of mind power.
indeed indeed.
a friend said it best
needs.
we crave to fill our needs.
i am so tired of bullshit small talk crap with people i know, yet i dont know.
whats the point? "hi, hows it going? hows work? where do you work?"
blah blah blah.
shut up and save me now!!!
i live for the moments i share with those that know me best and actually truly care about me.
i am picky when it comes to choosing friends.
and i see why, because all my close friends are there for me all the time.
they try to open their minds and accept me for me.
i dont care that i have few friends because those i do have i will have always.
i love you guys!!!
i also live for those special moments with myself.
this past year was a hard one, but it was a wonderful one.
i grew to know myself so much more. i lost many many people. good people. but through that loss i gained spiritual time with me.
i know me better.
i can be alone and love it. i live for those moments at night where im just alone in bed staring at my multi-colored filled window and my cat beside me of course. and in that moment i am completely and utterly content.
so here is to 2009! the year of growing and learning and becoming myself.
we crave to fill our needs.
i am so tired of bullshit small talk crap with people i know, yet i dont know.
whats the point? "hi, hows it going? hows work? where do you work?"
blah blah blah.
shut up and save me now!!!
i live for the moments i share with those that know me best and actually truly care about me.
i am picky when it comes to choosing friends.
and i see why, because all my close friends are there for me all the time.
they try to open their minds and accept me for me.
i dont care that i have few friends because those i do have i will have always.
i love you guys!!!
i also live for those special moments with myself.
this past year was a hard one, but it was a wonderful one.
i grew to know myself so much more. i lost many many people. good people. but through that loss i gained spiritual time with me.
i know me better.
i can be alone and love it. i live for those moments at night where im just alone in bed staring at my multi-colored filled window and my cat beside me of course. and in that moment i am completely and utterly content.
so here is to 2009! the year of growing and learning and becoming myself.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
"to love is to suffer. to avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. to be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore, to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. i hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen
- Woody Allen
take some time
there's beauty in the simple things. there's wonder in complexity. stop, breathe, and stare at the scenery.
mr. magorium's wonder emporium
this movie is outstanding. absolutely incredible.
every part of it has some type of message.
its magical. its uplifiting.
i wish i knew mr. magorium.
every part of it has some type of message.
its magical. its uplifiting.
i wish i knew mr. magorium.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
bike rides are the shiznat
went on a bike adventure tonight.
it was quite amazing.
we drove from davall all the way up ramon to panera.
had some spiritual moments.
had some out of place experience.
i wish i could have captured some of it on tape.
it was so special.
it was quite amazing.
we drove from davall all the way up ramon to panera.
had some spiritual moments.
had some out of place experience.
i wish i could have captured some of it on tape.
it was so special.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
day by day
i only live once.
this is just a small chapter of my life so i say fuck it, ima gna do what i want.
trying to live day by day because ive realized thats the only way i can get through.
there will be good days and there will be bad days.
let me take them as they come.
now lets dance <3
this is just a small chapter of my life so i say fuck it, ima gna do what i want.
trying to live day by day because ive realized thats the only way i can get through.
there will be good days and there will be bad days.
let me take them as they come.
now lets dance <3
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Desiderata Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it’s a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
what is love
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
wont you dance with me?
my cat and i just slow danced together.
while he purred the whole time.
that was a moment.
lupin is the best little kitty ^__^
i love him to death.
while he purred the whole time.
that was a moment.
lupin is the best little kitty ^__^
i love him to death.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
oh, paul
a comment i received that made my day, haha:
YOU ARE BLOODY AMAZING!
Please note michelle: Psychotics, like myself, RULE THE WORLD. And so do you.
;-)
Have a wonderful day.
YOU ARE BLOODY AMAZING!
Please note michelle: Psychotics, like myself, RULE THE WORLD. And so do you.
;-)
Have a wonderful day.
phiolosophy
the three life rules as addressed by socrates from the book and film "peaceful warrior":
paradox: life is a mystery, dont waste time trying to figure it out.
human: keep your sense of humor, especially about yourself, it is a force beyond all magic.
change: know that nothing stays the same, live 100% in the moment, empty your mind of anything that is taking you away from the only thing that matters, this moment.
paradox: life is a mystery, dont waste time trying to figure it out.
human: keep your sense of humor, especially about yourself, it is a force beyond all magic.
change: know that nothing stays the same, live 100% in the moment, empty your mind of anything that is taking you away from the only thing that matters, this moment.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
i like i like
Interviewer: Why can’t you be alone without Yoko?
John Lennon: But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.
John Lennon: But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.
love love love
When we claim that its love that we have for someone, are we correct?
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest? It is not love, its like.
You cant keep your eyes or hands off of them .. am i right? Its not love, its lust.
Are you proud and eager to show them off? Its not love, its luck.
do you want them because you know theyre there? Its not love, its loneliness.
Are you there because its what everyone wants? Its not love, its loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand? Its not love, its low confidence.
Do you stay for their confessions of love because you dont want to hurt them? Its not love, its pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat? Its not love, its infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care bout them? Its not love, its friendship.
Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of? Its not love, its a lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake? its not love, its charity.
Does your heart ache and break when theyre sad? Then its love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when theyre strong? Then its love.
Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then its love.
Do you stay because blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there? Then its love. Do you accept their faults because they are a part of who they are? Then its love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret? Then its love.
Would you allow them to leave you not because they want to but because they have to? Then its love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then its love.
If love is painful and tortures us, why do we love? Why is it thats all we search for in life? This pain .. this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture .. this powerful death of self? why?! The answer is so simple cause its.. love.. it is such an addiction that even people who are not having it wish to experience and share it.
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest? It is not love, its like.
You cant keep your eyes or hands off of them .. am i right? Its not love, its lust.
Are you proud and eager to show them off? Its not love, its luck.
do you want them because you know theyre there? Its not love, its loneliness.
Are you there because its what everyone wants? Its not love, its loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand? Its not love, its low confidence.
Do you stay for their confessions of love because you dont want to hurt them? Its not love, its pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat? Its not love, its infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care bout them? Its not love, its friendship.
Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of? Its not love, its a lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake? its not love, its charity.
Does your heart ache and break when theyre sad? Then its love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when theyre strong? Then its love.
Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then its love.
Do you stay because blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there? Then its love. Do you accept their faults because they are a part of who they are? Then its love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret? Then its love.
Would you allow them to leave you not because they want to but because they have to? Then its love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then its love.
If love is painful and tortures us, why do we love? Why is it thats all we search for in life? This pain .. this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture .. this powerful death of self? why?! The answer is so simple cause its.. love.. it is such an addiction that even people who are not having it wish to experience and share it.
whats done is done
what is done is done.
i cant go back.
i cant change the way someone feels.
i have to accept it and move forward.
no doubt in my mind i will always love you.
but isnt that wonderful?
that i can still love you.
even if youre gone, i can still feel joy from what you gave me.
thanks for everything because you were my all at one time.
i learned a lot from you.
memories will never fade.
and i have that to remember.
now lets face the here and the now.
its time.
i cant go back.
i cant change the way someone feels.
i have to accept it and move forward.
no doubt in my mind i will always love you.
but isnt that wonderful?
that i can still love you.
even if youre gone, i can still feel joy from what you gave me.
thanks for everything because you were my all at one time.
i learned a lot from you.
memories will never fade.
and i have that to remember.
now lets face the here and the now.
its time.
alarms awaken me to reality
and it happens again.
mornings where you do not want to wake up.
you want to continue sleeping and dreaming.
because in sleep and in dreams is the only place you want to be.
being awakened by an alarm clock to reality is shitty.
reality that its gone.
why is it that we feel so alone when we dont have a romantic relationship with another?
we still have love from family and friends.
but we strive for this other love.
yet there shouldnt be a difference in love.
our world and minds are fucked up.
if only it wouldnt be so hard.
im going to miss you.
mornings where you do not want to wake up.
you want to continue sleeping and dreaming.
because in sleep and in dreams is the only place you want to be.
being awakened by an alarm clock to reality is shitty.
reality that its gone.
why is it that we feel so alone when we dont have a romantic relationship with another?
we still have love from family and friends.
but we strive for this other love.
yet there shouldnt be a difference in love.
our world and minds are fucked up.
if only it wouldnt be so hard.
im going to miss you.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
goodbyes
its interesting how you can become so close to someone.
and one day, they're gone.
losing someone so close to you is the worst pain you can ever feel.
its worse because it goes on and on.
i will always miss him.
i will always love him.
there is no way to stop.
ya, those feelings will ease and not be as strong.
but they will never disappear.
he knew me more than anyone.
i told him everything.
he was there for me through my worst and best.
and now its gone.
the one person who knew me from head to toe.
the one person i thought i could always have.
i will never get that back.
ever.
thats the worst thought in the world.
and one day, they're gone.
losing someone so close to you is the worst pain you can ever feel.
its worse because it goes on and on.
i will always miss him.
i will always love him.
there is no way to stop.
ya, those feelings will ease and not be as strong.
but they will never disappear.
he knew me more than anyone.
i told him everything.
he was there for me through my worst and best.
and now its gone.
the one person who knew me from head to toe.
the one person i thought i could always have.
i will never get that back.
ever.
thats the worst thought in the world.
Monday, December 7, 2009
enjoy by
i was drinking some 'defense up' juice drink from TJ's today
it has lots of Vit C and whatnot for my cold.
and i noticed that it says "enjoy by dec. 24th"
instead of "use by dec 24th"
i thought that was neat.
i like enjoy by.
it has lots of Vit C and whatnot for my cold.
and i noticed that it says "enjoy by dec. 24th"
instead of "use by dec 24th"
i thought that was neat.
i like enjoy by.
rain rain rain!
rain down on me, all day!
i awoke to the sound of rain outside my window.
that immediately put a smile on my face :))
it makes it even better since im sick.
it fits perfectly
i have to work ://
i think i may call in to my second job though.
some songs fit so perfectly with gloomy/cold/rainy days.
how i love it so.
sometimes, i still need you..
i awoke to the sound of rain outside my window.
that immediately put a smile on my face :))
it makes it even better since im sick.
it fits perfectly
i have to work ://
i think i may call in to my second job though.
some songs fit so perfectly with gloomy/cold/rainy days.
how i love it so.
sometimes, i still need you..
Sunday, December 6, 2009
cherry blossom trees
are so beautiful.
i would love to sit under one.
with my headphones on, listening to beautiful music<33
i would love to sit under one.
with my headphones on, listening to beautiful music<33
sometimes, i still need you
Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give so much more
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor
It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
And I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more
No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me
Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard it before
When I'm not finished
I could give so much more
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor
It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
And I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more
No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me
Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard it before
blech
im siiick.
for the umpteenth time in the past 3 months.
it sucks.
but its nice listening to my music and staring at my christmas lights.
for the umpteenth time in the past 3 months.
it sucks.
but its nice listening to my music and staring at my christmas lights.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
im going to miss you
this song has so much feeling,
so many emotions put into it.
there are no words, yet you can tell what he is saying.
it gives me the shivers.
it has so much meaning to me.
he begins with "im going to miss you"
and then this sad melancholic tone.
then it bursts out into craziness
like hes angry
then its gets super fucking crazy
like having a mental breakdown
you can feel every emotion coming out of him
then it gets sad again
because he has realized
theres nothing he can do
he has to let go
but that sadness only fades
and that love always remains
so many emotions put into it.
there are no words, yet you can tell what he is saying.
it gives me the shivers.
it has so much meaning to me.
he begins with "im going to miss you"
and then this sad melancholic tone.
then it bursts out into craziness
like hes angry
then its gets super fucking crazy
like having a mental breakdown
you can feel every emotion coming out of him
then it gets sad again
because he has realized
theres nothing he can do
he has to let go
but that sadness only fades
and that love always remains
time
the time spent is always made special
i fill it with happiness
with laughter
with smiles
with passion
i make it as if it were our last
because i am never really sure if it is the last time i will see you again...
i fill it with happiness
with laughter
with smiles
with passion
i make it as if it were our last
because i am never really sure if it is the last time i will see you again...
Friday, December 4, 2009
so much loss
there's been a whole lot of loss this year.
i guess i dont take loss very well.
everytime someone leaves my life, i become down.
i feel a little more empty.
some loss isnt nearly as bad as one loss.
but it still all hurts.
this house feels a little more empty now that a friend is gone.
i dont really know how to explain it, its just a little weird now.
and work, i lost someone there too.
there is no way my wednesdays will be as happy as they used to be.
this is life though, i have to learn how to deal with it.
im not sure i will ever really learn.
and i know i will never stop loving a certain one who will always remain in my heart.
sad sad sad.
i guess i dont take loss very well.
everytime someone leaves my life, i become down.
i feel a little more empty.
some loss isnt nearly as bad as one loss.
but it still all hurts.
this house feels a little more empty now that a friend is gone.
i dont really know how to explain it, its just a little weird now.
and work, i lost someone there too.
there is no way my wednesdays will be as happy as they used to be.
this is life though, i have to learn how to deal with it.
im not sure i will ever really learn.
and i know i will never stop loving a certain one who will always remain in my heart.
sad sad sad.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I choose to love you in silence...
for in silence, i received no rejection...
I choose to love you in loneliness,
for in loneliness, no one owns you but I...
I choose to adore you from a distance...
for distance will shield us from pain.
I choose to kiss you in the wind...
for the wind, is gentler than my lips.
I choose to hold you in my dreams...
for in my dreams, we have no end...
for in silence, i received no rejection...
I choose to love you in loneliness,
for in loneliness, no one owns you but I...
I choose to adore you from a distance...
for distance will shield us from pain.
I choose to kiss you in the wind...
for the wind, is gentler than my lips.
I choose to hold you in my dreams...
for in my dreams, we have no end...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
oh my god
adult swim is the shit.
they just played a christmas song for the ending credits of family guy.
and they keep playing christmas music on all the in-between things.
i love christmas time!
they just played a christmas song for the ending credits of family guy.
and they keep playing christmas music on all the in-between things.
i love christmas time!
music
is the medicine to my soul
<3333
i couldnt live without it
theres so much depth, so much meaning in each song
whether there are lyrics or no lyrics
a song brings feeling
it makes you feel
it soothes my soul
<3333
i couldnt live without it
theres so much depth, so much meaning in each song
whether there are lyrics or no lyrics
a song brings feeling
it makes you feel
it soothes my soul
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
someone said something to me tonight
" well what can we do except adapt and move forward"
i see this way of thinking but for some reason i cant apply it.
its too hard to just adapt and move forward.
this soon at least.
i breathe smoke out of my nose.
i see this way of thinking but for some reason i cant apply it.
its too hard to just adapt and move forward.
this soon at least.
i breathe smoke out of my nose.
its a joy
when my little kittycat comes jumping up on to my bed as i lay listening to my music and says 'merrrowww'
pet me.
pet me.
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