how to stay young

1. try everything twice.
2. keep only cheerful friends. the grouches pull you down.
3. keep learning. never let the brain get idle. 'an idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
4. enjoy the simple things.
5. laugh often, long, and loud. laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. the tears happen. endure, grieve, and move on. the only person who is with us our entire life,  is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
7. surround yourself with what you love. whether it's family, pets, music, plants, whatever. your home is your refuge.
8. cherish your health. if it is good, preserve it. if it is unstable, improve it. if it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. don't take guilt trips.
10. tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
11. forgive now those who made you cry. you might not get a second chance.

yes please

wow

A 106-year-old woman sits in front of her home guarding it with a rifle, in Degh village, near the city of Goris in southern Armenia.

New Year's!

so the new year is almost here!
i am excited to see what 2011 brings me.
2010 was definitely interesting.
a whirlwind.
the Tiger only showed me change, change, change.
well, the chinese new year isn't until february so i guess the tiger will still be around a bit longer.
but to celebrate this incoming new year, i will be dancing all night long!
it's been since April (coachella) that i have been to a music fest.
now it is time for TAO.
i am not even sure that i am ready for it.
it is going to be huge.
but things will go wonderfully because i will be celebrating with My Love.
i can't wait to bring in the new year with him :D

love this

thank you

think before you speak

Watch your thoughts for they become words. 
Watch your words for they become actions. 
Watch your actions for they become habits. 
Watch your habits for they become character.
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.

it's nothing more than short relief.

Now the light fills your room and eyelids
Now the light pulls you from your dreams
Sleep is a guilty vicious liar 
It's nothing more than short relief.

focus on what you want and what you want only.

do not put any energy into what you do not want.
do not even think about what you do not want.
if you let all of what could possibly be bad overwhelm you,
then you are making it a possibility when it isn't one yet!
instead,
look at it in small goals.
focus on what you DO want.
put all your energy into that.

"fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering leads to the Dark Side."

jibber jabber is my mind

i have a lot of changes coming my way.
change scares me.
i just want to hide under my covers from the world right now.
hide and let my worries fade.
but such is life.
i can do it and will do it because it is something i need to do.
this is my future.

max ehrmann

be gentle with yourself. you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

it will get better, i hope

Sorry for the others
That was us for the last five years
Now it's over and it's getting better
That's how we lived
Now we're living different
Now it's over and it's getting better

i'm in love

white moon

OCTOPUSSSSSSS

s t r e t c h

a morning of,
stretching,
meditation,
running.
this can do the body and mind some good.
THANK YOU UNIVERSE!
for all that you have blessed my wonderful little life with :3

positivity.

think positive. think positive. THINK POSITIVE!

do not let others negative thoughts bring you down.

don't forget..

when you try to be everything for everyone, you will have nothing left for yourself.

be who you are, always.

rule

enjoy the simple things.

LUSH

yet it should be both

people and things

so many people come in and out of our lives.
it's crazy to think of all the people i have known.
in some way, at some point in time.
acquaintances, friends, family.
so be it.
and yet, at the same time, there are so many people i have never met.
so many people and cultures i do not know.
what i would give to travel the world!
this all came to thought because of some cool people i have been meeting lately.
and whether it is only for a one time thing or for some long-term relationship, it is delightful.
each and every person that comes into your life shows you something different.
i would also like to say,
in loving memory of jayda.
may she be at peace.
this little girl, only 8 years old was taken from this reality.
i worked with her for a year.
she was precious.

Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit -Edward Abbey

hm

life,
is intersting.
it's something else.
a year ago, today, i would have never imagined this to be the future.
fucking weird.
and.
beautiful.
:D
meow!

forever love

take me to a field of flowers where i can lay and dream forever.

gorgeous beauty.

i want this, in my room, now.

dear universe,

i could really use your help right now!
work your wonders.

because life is good

Things are not going to turn out the way you expected them to or even the way you want them to.
they're going to turn out even better.

practice

be thankful, be grateful, be humble, be kind.
everyday.

remember

you are lovable, valuable, and capable.

edna st. vincent millay

"childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age the child is grown, and puts away childish things. childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."

restless

i'm in need of something.
i woke up with this feeling.
like something is missing.
nothing is missing.
i think i just feel restless.
i need to travel.
experience different cultures and life again.
it's been too long.
i could use a nature fix too.
time for some hikes and adventures.
cloud watching.
star gazing.
whatever.
let me take in the beauty of this earth.
escape this routine.

wake up michelle, this is real.

so in love with this, it just does something, it gets to me

EL GUINCHO | Bombay from MGdM | Marc Gómez del Moral on Vimeo.

yes indeed

“give me the beach and 76 degree days and nights that require hoodies and clarity and bonfires and all my friends on the same side of the country and the financial freedom to do whatever the fuck i damn well please and a house next to a river and a backyard full of trees and a town where the only mode of transportation is a bicycle and a library down the street and late nights that leave you feeling refreshed when you wake up and something i can be sure of and a garden that grows an endless supply of perfectly ripe fruit and a brain that never gets sick of learning and the motivation to wake up early enough to watch the sun rise every morning and no double standards and whatever the opposite of guilt is and clean slates and mutually satisfying relationships and a sense of knowing when enough is enough and a sense of knowing when to keep going and a passion for something, anything, everything and waking up in a brand new place and zero hesitance to say what’s in your head and lots of dance parties and no miscommunication ever and the good kind of bad decisions and conversations without gossip and non-flakey friends and the kind of deep down to the core happiness that isn’t swayed by outside circumstances and a pitbull puppy that will stay a puppy forever and picking up right where you left off with someone you haven’t seen in years and good hair days every day and a magical contraption that can align your heart with your mind and logical reasoning and consistency laced with pleasant spontaneity and a minimalist mindset and constant progression and road trips with no real destination and the kind of playlist that could bring you back from the dead”

simply beautiful. this is love.

jemapur love

so they say..

the year of the tiger is all about change.
well, i think this is true!
2010 has been a year of change so far.
i moved.. and moved again.
i had to say goodbye to my kitteh.
i had surgery, which was very unexpected, a total shock.
something i have never experienced before, but i made it and am recovering well.
i realized some things about people.
one person, in particular, shined through as having a mask.
i am falling for someone.
this particularly, is something i thought would not come, at least this soon.
because of my experience with a former love, i went through many troubling days and nights.
i didn't expect to find someone who can show me love again.
who could treat me so amazingly :)
i lost a job.
i am deciding to return to school and pursue a completely different career than i thought i would.
change, change, change.
sometimes, it is hard to adapt to change.
but i am positive it is all for the better.

fall back in love eventually

The Naked and Famous — Young Blood from Special Problems on Vimeo.

get funky

there's a first for everything..

first time to get laid off from a job.. today.
that experience was nothing short of overwhelming.
instant anxiety, instant stress.
however, i have to remind myself, when one door closes, another opens.
and this other door that is going to open is going to be far better than that last one!
time to make some improvements in the job area.
time to start towards my career.
i may be low on money this month, and i may struggle quite a bit, but i know i can get through it.
this is just another rough patch in the road.
one of life's many downs, but those ups are on the way!
so cross those fingers.
and let's find something better :)

badass

love

a million little pieces

live and let live.
do not judge.
take it as it comes.
deal with it.
everything will be okay.

tao is that which has no name and is beyond any sort of name.
names are not necessary for that which is real and for that which is eternal.
if we are free from desire, we can realize mystery, that if we are caught in desire, we only realize manifestations.

if there is beauty, there is ugliness. if there is good, there is bad. being and nonbeing.
those who live with the tao act without doing and teach without saying.
they let things come and they let things go and they live without possession and they live without expectation.
they do not need, depend, create, or define.
they do not see beauty or ugliness or good or bad.
there just is.
just be.

empty your mind and fill your core.
weaken your ambition and toughen your resolve.
lose everything you know and everything you desire and ignore those who say they know.
practice not wanting, desiring, judging, doing, fighting, knowing.
practice just being.
everything will fall into place.

i need to know you're out there.. somewhere, somewhere

to see

i wonder what it would be like to look at myself.
i don't mean through a mirror.
i mean, as if i were someone else, the way others see me.
and to be able to reach out and touch myself.
that would be interesting.
i want to do that.

inspired flight

we tried.
push, pull, let go.
timing is everything.
you said so.

give it to me

pweeeeease

DOME room

it's like a spaceship

i'm not your toy

uhm, yes

letting go

To let go isnt to forget, not think about or ignore. It doesnt have feelings or anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isnt winning or losing. Its not about pride. Its not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Its not about loss or defeat. To let go is to cherish memories,but to overcome them and move on. Letting go is accepting. Letting go is having the courage to accept change. Letting go is growing up.

red lights

It's hard to remember
What we did last November
It's hard to forget
What we haven't done yet

It's easy to let go
Of everything you know
And say goodbye
To all the sky

all about love

"it is possible to speak with our heart directly. most ancient cultures know this. we can actually converse with our heart as if it were a good friend. in modern life we have become so busy with our daily affiars and thoughts that we have lost this essential art of taking time to converse with our heart" Jack Kornfield

"the search for loves continues even in the face of great odds"

"love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" Erich Fromm

"the cultural emphasis on endless consumption deflects attention from spiritual hunger. we are endlessly bombarded by messages telling us that our every need can be satisfied by material increase. artist barbara kruger created a work proclaiming 'i shop therefore i am' to show the way consumerism has taken over mass consciousness, making people think they are what they possess. while the zeal to possess intensifies, so does the sense of spiritual emptiness. because we are spiritually empty we try to fill up on consumerism. we may not have enough love but we can always shop" Bell Hooks

"organized religion has failed to satisfy spiritual hunger because it has accommodated secular demands, interpreting spiritual life in ways that uphold the values of a production-centered commodity culture. this is as true of the traditional christian church as it is of new age spirituality. it is no accident that so many famous new age spiritual teachers link their teachings to a metaphysics of daily life that extolls the virtues of wealth, privilege, and power" Bell Hooks

"when i speak of love i am not speaking of some sentimental and weak response. i am speaking of that force which all of the great religions have seen as the supreme unifying principle of life. love is somehow the key that unlocks the door which leads to ultimate reality. this hindu-moslem-christian-jewish-buddhist belief about ultimate reality is beautifully summed up in the first episode of saint john: 'let us love one another, for love is god and everyone that loveth is born of god and knoweth god'". Martin Luther King

"the mass media is the primary vehicle for the promotion and affirmation of greed; there is little information offered about the establishment and maintenance of meaningful relationships. if the will to accumulate is not already present in the television watcher or the movie-goer, it will be implanted by images that bombard the psyche with the message that consuming with others, not connection, should be our goal." Bell Hooks

"we cannot endure without love and there is no other way to the return of healing, comforting, harmonizing love than through total and complete forgiveness: if we want freedom and peace and the experience of love and being loved, we must let go and forgive." Eric Butterworth

"false notions of love teach us that it is the place where we feel no pain, where we will be in a state of constant bliss. we have to expose the falseness of these beliefs to see and accept the reality that suffering and pain do not end when we begin to love." Bell Hooks

" you have to trust that every friendship has no end, that a communion of saints exists among all those, living and dead, who have truly loved god and one another. you know from experience how real this is. those you have loved deeply and who have died live on in you, not just as memories but as real presences" Henri Nouwen

"without change, we cannot grow. our will to grow in spirit and truth is how we stand before life and death, ready to choose life" Bell Hooks

"love is our true destiny. we do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another" Thomas Merton

raindrops

In a desert you're standing
A silhouette in motion
On the glory afternoons in June I need you

Just like raindrops, just like raindrops

i want to live here forever

love, strength, growth

Tina: i feel better, thanks for talking, i guess sometimes like you said, communication is necessary

Me: im glad you feel better, and if anything bothers you ever, tell me
i will do my best to respect you and your needs

Tina: ye ma'am

Me: afterall i love you and cherish you

Tina:thank you, same to you darlin

Me: and wish to do as little harm as possible

Tina: you are a rock in my life, a diamond to say the least, and it means alot to me that we haven't let certain things come between us, as hard as it is sometimes, i do love you and want the best for you even if that is Matt, and I hope in time, if that is what it comes to, that I can accept it bcos I don't ever want emotions to get the better of it all

Me: thank you tina, that takes a very very VERY strong person, with a good heart,to be able to do and try to do something like that, and i hate that it has to be awkward and that it even is happening sometimes because i dont want to cause hurt to you

Tina: i think we have attracted each other in each our lives for a reason, and juvenile things are just juvenile, and emotions are just emotions, and hurt is hurt and maturity is maturity...things are messy and sticky and gooey, but what is anything if there isn't the good and the bad

Me: we have to have the bad to enjoy and not take for granted the good, our friendship has made it through a shit ton, i think and hope it can and will make it through any other trials and tribulations

Tina:yes it has, people think I am crazy for putting up with it, but most don't understand bcos they aren't in it, I am a fighter, I always have been, and these are the type of things that make me grow as a person, no one ever said it would be easy, this life here

Me: we are all crazy, we are all mad

Tina:touche

Me: i understand why people do not understand, it is hard until you are in the actual shoes, but your love has been proven to me, i know you truly care for me because of the way you have responded, and i hope you know how much i really love you

Tina: sometimes it makes me wanna cry bcos it really does hurt, but what's it worth crying over spilt beer? there are things that are more important to me than holding grudges and letting bitter feelings take over, and that is the underlying point of it all, somethings just aren't worth the tears and aren't worth the emotions, i can say that about alot of things, so it's not just you, it's just my carefree mentality on accepting losses

Me: well it is okay to cry and let it out, we all hurt one another, i have been seeing people post this quote on FB the past couple days, it says something like we hurt the ones that are closest to us

Tina: bcos like i said, what's it all worth, each day brings new things, new opportunities, and the past is in the past and all that is here is the present and the idea of the future..yes, that quote is a good one

Me: and it is true, and i wonder why, and its because we are closest to the ones we love

Tina: it's bcos the ones that are closest to us are the ones that are going to accept you for you, mistakes and all

Me: and we let them affect us, because they are a huge part of us

Tina: if people aren't willing to accept the whole of you, the hurt & the pain, then truly they aren't good for you

Me: it saddens me that i cause hurt to you though, and that you have to experience those intense feelings sometimes

Tina: well, it is a sad thing, but it's selfish tendencies, we are all selfish to a certain degree

Me: because i know those sudden intense moments, i know them well

Tina: that is something that i have learned throughout my life..i am someone who sometimes needs to be more selfish in times, but it's hard for me to be selfish..i am more selfless in that sense, always putting other's feelings and emotions before my own, thinking of what is right and what is wrong..there is a pshycological theory..altruism, I am sure you have read about it, studied it at times, but in biological determinism, altruistic tendencies is what life is about...sure, you associate yourself with your circle and those like you, but for you to really get ahead and succeed, we all must be selfish

Me: well its all about the balance

Tina: getting ahead and succeeding is based off of your own perception, you can apply it to alot of different degrees in life

Me: we are living this life for ourselves, therefore we must be selfish

Tina: you are born alone and die alone, everyone else is just an asset

Me: to be able to have and do what we want...exactly

Tina: and there are those who are going to love you no matter what, and there are those who are going to hurt you no matter what, and it all depends on the connection..is it worth it?...and in our case, it's worth it to me, the hurt and pain that is caused, is something that will hopefully be less then a memory in days to come

Me: well with all friendships, all relationships, family, friends, lovers, there is hurt, and there is pain, but what outweighs those in the end is all the good, so at some point i think we may look back at this and laugh, and we will be stronger in the end because of it, because when you are able to work through things with a person, that connection is only building, we are only becoming stronger, we will be able to face many more things

Tina: very true, it only makes us stronger

Me: we have had many ups and downs, but when i look back, i see all the laughs and smiles and love, because at the end thats what there is, the bad fades away, thanks for putting up with my bad side

Tina: bad isn't the right word, but whatever it is, that is what friends are for

i had to steal it

can i

can i fly into the clouds?
can i escape from all the chaos and commotion?
and be free amongst the birds.

nostalgic

the intense feelings arise
as i lay hearing the emotions flow from the song
this shows me how i have grown
how i have come out from one of the hardest emotional times in my life
a different person
what once could never be imagined
is
how i have overcome
yet seeing another trial
and knowing i can find a way
and through it become
something different
everchanging

sometimes i crave to feel you

it's been a long time, long time now

the wind, when it touches me, is just the way i long to touch you

FEEL

entranced

fortune cookie

act with peaceful vibes

chuang tzu

happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.

all we need is love

just remember to fall in love.
there is nothing else, there is nothing else.
<3

law of attraction

all your thoughts, all images in your mind, and all the feelings connected to your thoughts will later manifest as your reality. In other words; everything you have in your life - now - has been attracted to you thru your mind. You can, from now on, create your life consciously. You can start attracting only those circumstances that creates happiness for you - and leave out those you do not desire.

yum

death of moonfish

the death of moonfish occured last night.
oh how i will miss thee!
afterall, this blog was named after him.

smashed

it's been a long time coming.
damage leaves you stranded.
closed has become the word.
inseparable was before.
emotions arise.
when something was and now is not.
too much.
everything.
longing for it.
but cannot feel it.
crushed to the ground.
forever it is gone.

lucky charms

are BOMB.

alphabet letter cheerios and rainbow marshmallows.

:) <3

power up!

life and its complications

Me: basically that the world isnt becoming better,its going down the shit hole
i guess greece went bankrupt

Tina: America is going down the shit hole
and Greece yes

Me: the stock markt crashed 1000 points because of it yesterday
my dad worked a 13 hour day or some crazy shit because of it

Tina: yowsza

Me: and theres crazy riots going on there
like people are blowing shit up and going nuts now
and then thinking about how my nana thinks the world is comignt o an end

Tina: well, the way i see it is...
we are adaptable creatures

Me: because of all the crazy disasters lately

Tina: our parents & grandparents had to make changes....EXTREME changes in their lifetime
and adapt, and you know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

Me: and that everything that is happening is in the bible

Tina: well, if it is coming to an end then let it, that can't stop us from living tho

Me: yah, i agree with that, that doesnt effect me,but the whole thing about the economy, and because i have no idea what im doing

Tina: well, i think that is important,and I think that you should definitely be considering and trying to figure out more what you are doing
..it isn't a necessity, but we are just getting older as each day passes, you know

Me:myah i know,i guess i have to go back to school,fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
..fuck fuck fuck!

Tina:yeah, thats the reality that I realized

Me: and thats gna be a buttfuck

Tina: and that is a huuuge reason why i chose nursing
Me:because its gna be hard surviving, and then paying off loans

Tina:bcos I need to be able to count on myself,who knows if i will get married and have someone else be able to support me..i need to be able to look out for myself and count on myself

Me: yah but what i want to do isnt going to make me a lot of money

Tina:and that is a job that is fulfilling in itself financially (not tons of money, but enough to get me by) and its fulfilling for me personally
..i would LOVE to do something creative, to be an artist or a photographer or learn a creative trade like Interior Design, but those jobs aren't promising,like acting isn't promising
..i am not the type of personality or person to pursue something that would be a possible failure.Nursing isn't my dream job, but its my best bet
..and thats another something i am faced with..
should I do a program and get my AA that will cost less than 20,000
or should I pursue my Master's and put myself in the shithole and $90,000 in debt

Me: hooooooly, thats scary
-debt scares me, i dont like having debt at all

Tina: yeah i know..but i want to move from here and continue growing

Me: and i need to start saving more

Tina: but its an expensive price, but like we have always said, whats life without risk?
..there is no right waay..sure there is a smart way

Me: its just sad, what life has come to, stress, work
..life shouldnt be about fucking money ahh it makes me mad!

Tina: but what is truly smart, u cant predict the future and the possibilities that may arise bcos the coin can flip either way..heads or tails, and it is sad, but this is the world we live in, there is nothing else..unless you create it..the bum's fantasy world or a drug addicts haven

Tina: and altho its a scary world to bring kids into..pleasures like having kids and a family are what makes this life worth living,thats love

Me: very true, thanks for that :):)made me realize again that it doesnt matter, because love is most important of all

Tina: yeah it shouldnt...we cant control the world and where it may lead, we are only passengers, but we can still enjoy the pleasure that are possible through love

Me: beautiful

:):)

muahahahhaa!

Luna & The Secret Moon Pond from Sean on Vimeo.

rock and roll to the beat of the funk fuzz

this desert has got the looks

truth

"our greatest fear as individuals should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that do not really matter."

the modern town hardly knows silence

what really matters

What is Success?
To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

you know, i simply cannot understand people

so, i've got some painting ideas :)
i'm excited.
i haven't drawn in a very very long time.
we shall see how it goes.

this great society is going s m a s h

here we are.
here we are.
we are anticipating.
there it is!
there it is!
that's the picture.
you see it for yourself.
there it is.
it's a man.
there it is.
with ahhhh

siddhartha

" when someone is seeking, it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything, unable to absorb anything, because he is only thinking of the thing he is seeking, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. seeking means: to have a goal; but finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal."

"wisdom is not communicable. the wisdom which a wise man tries to communicate always sounds foolish."

" in every truth the opposite is equally true."

"never is a man wholly a saint or a sinner. this only seems so because we suffer the illusion that time is something real. time is not real, govinda. i have realized this repeatedly. and if time is not real, then the dividing line that seems to lie between this world and eternity, between suffering and bliss, between good and evil, is also an illusion."

"it seems to me that everything that exists is good-death as well as life, sin as well as holiness, wisdom as well as folly. everything is necessary, everything needs only my agreement, my assent, my loving understanding; then all is well with me and nothing can harm me."

"words do not express thoughts very well. they always become a little different immediately they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish. and yet it also pleases me and seems right that what is of value and wisdom to one man seems nonsense to another."

VOID

struggling to fill it

cowboy nightmare

so i spent the last 13 hours walking around.
i volunteered at stagecoach in order to get free coachella tickets.
sean and i had the job of holding a sign that read "need an answer. ask me."
this day turned out to be a nightmare, yet entertaining at the same time.
cowboys left and right.
they loved sean.
grabbed his ass, pinched his nipples, took photos with him.
they were so homophobic yet made gay gestures.
they were complete assholes.
we had questions from "would you consider anal sex?" to "do you deep throat?"
to "what is the meaning of life?" to "why is the sky blue?" to "ask me about my weiner"???
it was definitely an experience.
13 hours of walking.
wowwwww.
we became zombies.
the sad thing is, we could have totally left, yet we were so honest that we actually did our job.
it was a love/hate kind of relationship.
hahahahhahahahhaa!
all we could do was laugh at the situation.
people are quite interesting and i still do not understand people whatsoever.

tired soul

Get to me and turn me well, I'm a tired soul
I was told desire had a sell by date
Well it's rotted and altered, but still remains
Climbs the promise of no real change
I didn't know you would last this long
I didn't think I would last this long
No vacuum is now, and here we are
Did it hate to last and here we are
You squeezed my heart so tight tonight
You must return it before you leave
Cause when you get to me, when you get to me,
When you get to me, you turn me well
Get to me and turn me well, I'm a tired soul

smells like content

expectation leads to disappointment.
if you don't expect something big, huge, and exciting.
you usually, uhm.
i don't know, you just notice, yah.

best weekend of my life

so this weekend was the infamous C O A C H E L L A fest!
it rocked my damn world.
flying lotus is a musical genius.
lcd sound system was bomb dig.
thom yorke put me in a trance.
orbital sent me to space.
tiesto made me dance like a nutcase.
infected mushroom was insane.
passion pit was ohh la la.
kaskade was magical.
bassnectar got down with the dirty beats.

nothing short of amazing!
best coachella yet.
music is oh so beautiful.
it makes the world a better place :)))
thank you coachella!
i lurve you <3

you can't do anything else but g r o o v e to this song

night falls

dub up in mah ears

ESKMO rocked my world last night.
i felt vibrations fueling through my body.
there was a point where all i could feel were vibrations.
the entire inside of the building was shaking.
the ground was shivering.
it was a moment where you could literally feel the music through you.
i was in outer space.

beauty everywhere

unicorns really do exist!

kittycat and tigerlily

"i feel weird going in piggies"

"i'm going in deers"

sha la la

hair dye and jam sesh with tiger.

mini bike ride for some iced chai.

enjoying the day before work in the evening.

:)

and check this out

can you say, all natural?

quirkiness gives people character and charisma. I don’t think it’s beautiful when everyone starts looking like a Barbie doll. I’m a lover of natural individuality.

wants

i want what i had.

this loneliness is getting to me.

not that i am really lonely.

but i am beginning to miss that special connection.

that person that is there.

that love and affection.

i feel i deserve to have it again.

but i doubt i will find it anytime soon.

things dont last forever.

feel good

a good song for a sunny, warm, chill day.

enjoy spring and the sunshine.

the warmth, the colors, the creatures.

take it all in with a smile.

:)

distant and closed

i thought you said i'd never lose you.

however, it seems to me you have been lost.

i can't find you.

you've been shut off.

distant.

as each day goes by.

i grow more and more disappointed.

i don't know you.

the door has been shut.

reconnecting..

i am asked for reconnection.

that to me says we can be friends.

but i guess, someone is looking to grow more than that?

how do you expect a person to want to immediately work towards something more?

im sorry but trust was lost.

hearts were broken.

feelings were hurt.

i can start with friendship, but i am not thinking of anything more right now.

it takes a lot of time to build up that trust again.

words are empty.

let me see your actions.

who the hell knows.

why is this happening?

there's cats on my chalkboard...

people

explanation of my weirdness

The Protector


As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

remember me

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it because… You can’t ever really know the meaning of your life… And you don’t need to… Just know that your life has a meaning… Every life has a meaning… whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred seconds… Every life… And every death changes the world in its own way… Ghandi knew this. He knew his life would mean something to someone, somewhere, somehow. And he knew with as much certainty that he could never know that meaning… He understood that enjoying life should be of much greater concern than understanding it. And so do I.

words have no meaning

words.
i dont trust them.
and its all said and done.
im tired.

truth

Letting go isn’t a one time thing. It’s something you do everyday, over and over again.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Make yourself necessary to somebody. Do not make life hard to any.

live in the moment

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

awesomeness

time to explode

what a nightmare of a night

give it up

i cant give it up

team MIGHT!

we might.. or we might not.

we rulez the planetz

smile upon me

I don't know what are you now
Since everything has changed
If I did know one thing
It's me who's feeling strange

have you seen me cryyyy

I've always felt so scared of all this needing
Everyone that I've met has been somewhat mistreated
That's how it feels when you know that something's wrong

there is no try

no, try not. there is only do or do not. there is no try.

my doggy went to doggy heaven

today is a sad sad day.
my precious bailey was put to sleep.
she was the best dog.
the kindest and most sweet.
i didnt get to say bye to her either.
it brings tears to my eyes.
i am going to miss her so much!
its sad to think when i go to my parents house next, she isnt going to be there greeting me with her loud, excited barks!
oh bailey.
at least you are no longer in pain.
i love you.
you are free.

new find

enjoying this artist i found.. lukid

cheeeeese!

doin' better, doin' better.
lookin' up, lookin' up!
smiiiiiiiile!!
as carlos reminds me :)
i am smiiiiling!!
excited for the weekend..

uncertainties

im lost.
and im unsure of why we do the things we do.
i guess its to get by.
to make a living.
but for what?
we are going to die.
so i guess while we are here, we should try to be good to ourselves and to others.
i feel i try to do this.
but this existence still finds myself lost.
the connections we have can make us feel more worthwhile.
but those arent always there.
i dont know what im here for.
does anyone?

connections lost

people come in and out of your life.
those so dear to you can be gone in a moment.
in a flash.
its there and then its gone.
ive been through many rough patches.
and i have many more to face.
sometimes in this life you can feel so alone, no matter who you have around.
point is, you are always alone.
i have to get used to it.

..............

its bad timing

oh, life

i need to clear my head and stop thinking too much.
once you think too much, you contradict yourself.
im tired of my mind being bombarded with thoughts.
thoughts that lead to confusion.
i laid out in the grass today and watched the clouds.
trying to sort through the things in my head.
it was pleasant.
if only life could be so simple.

faxing berlin

ohh, the memories this song brings back to my head.
it is purely amazing.
will forever bring a smile to my face.
will forever be special.
ahhhh!
<333

diggin' it

sometimes..

i really do not like having feelings.
the feelings ive been having lately have placed me in some complicated situations.
it is hard to know what to do about them.
you never know what kinds of things you will do until you experience it.
and you cant judge others for the things they choose to do because there is a reason they do it.
im in a sticky situation.
all around.
i have finally been able to push someone out of my life that hasnt needed to be there for a long time.
and a certain someone has helped me do that.
this is the first time i can see myself finding someone else again.
but the time is not right.
and others are hurt by the situation.
it completely sucks.
can i just seclude myself from all?
run away from it all?
nothing ever seems to work out for me.
im a lost lost soul..

hypocritical people

haha. with the things i have found out, i feel no remorse for what i feel.
at least my feelings are true and real.
and im working for something great with them.
fucking hypocrites.

go get him, cowgirl

i guess...

im a horrible horrible person.
kill me now.

FML

fuck my life

aquarium and fair weather friends

had an amazingggg time last night!
nosaj thing and daedelus came to perform here in the desert!
this is a pretty big thing considering we dont get crazy good music here.
ive had a favorite song by nosaj thing for a few years and i got to meet him last night!
he also played my song and daedelus played my song too.
i got those dancing shoes on and danced allll night long!
it was much needed.
i havent had a good dance sesh for a few months.
tiring indeed.
i was sweating like crazaaayyy! haha
but my night turned out so lovely.
the start of this month is looking so bright :D
all smiles, my friends, all smiles

its your life

You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.

it is february..

oh me, oh my!!
time fliesss.
its the premiere of LOST tonight.
wooop dee wooop!
and my susan miller is the fucking shiznat!!
its supposed to be a wonderful month.
i am looking forward to it :D

i feel like dying

unsure

i dont like when these moods come around...

into the wild

You're wrong if you think the joy of life comes principally from human relationships. God's placed it all around us. It's in everything. In anything that we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at those things.

If you love someone, ask him for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny. Don’t keep him from going off in search of his own answers. Don’t ask him for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask him for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come. And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should he not return to you, then life hasn’t cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing him has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of him not returning. But always remember that you found him beautiful precisely because he was free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options.

spiffy tiffy

POOP!

poop is awesome!
i love poop poop poop!
go take a shit.
now!


you know you want to.
its good for you :p

my lover is away

my lovely girlfriend is gone.
this is gna be a time to adjust again.
i got used to her being here.
we literally hung out everyday.
so so so sad.
went to joshua tree yesterday.
that was a little adventure :)
saw the snowwwww!
saw the INTEGRATRON. this place built with no metal by some man who was given the knowledge by aliens to build it.
i guess you can teleport and do crazy shit.
unfortunately it was closed so we couldnt go in but we admired it from a short distance.
leave it to sean to know about the most random shit ever. hahaha.
its all about the adventures these days my friends.
wake up and randomly go somewhere.
it is fun stuff!
cool sights, beautiful surroundings.

happy sneaks!

and everything goes to the sound of the beat

can we all just dance in the streets?
move our feet to the beat?
live free?
i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed a good dance sesh, damnit!
rave rave raveee come sooooon!

see ya later alligator

im setting myself free..
from this torment of the mind

pour down on me

its raining! its pouring! the old man is snoooring...

im at home looking out my window, watching the rain pour down on this earth.
such a beautiful thing.
wish i could go outside and do a rain dance, but i have to leave for work soon.
going to play some donkey kong tonight with my girlfrieeend!
some moonfish time, some DK time, some snacks, and rain outside our window.
lovely lovely lovely!

i needed it

what a beautiful night last night
what a beautiful day today
i felt amazing pure love again last night
it was a good dose
and its carrying on through the day today
i am content
i am in the moment
i feel good
blissssssssssssssss

ice cream and cake and cake

ice cream and cake, do the ice cream and cake!

hummunah

my life right now is just...
random
i have no idea whats going on
my feelings are all over the place
my mind is going mad
i dont know what to listen to

FUCK

fuck fuck fuuuuuuuck

what brings happiness, brings pain

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.

perception

i dont know you.
you dont know me.
we dont know anyone.
we barely even know ourselves.
and we will never know anyone.
we all have our own stories.
we all have our own perceptions.
never take anything personally because what anyone says to you or about you is their perception.
our words are filled with lies.
because words distort the truth.
we can never tell someone about an experience without it being distorted because we cannot put into words exactly what we feel and experience.
and that other person's view of that story will be completely different.

respect

respect comes directly from love; it is one of the greatest expressions of love.

dance freely

i like how each person has their own unique way of dancing. and it is completely different and crazy because they just dont care, they just feel the music within and move.

what we know is all lies

i wish..

heaven